Category: Children


Dad and my kids

Sissy and Max love each other 🙂

Max loves his Bubby

Huddle

Emerald's nose stuck in phone. Isaiah causing more weeds in lawn

What is my daddy doing?

Uhoh Sissy got Max

As I was laying down with Max , I started to ponder on what a baby thinks about this wild and crazy world around us. A world where something is always new and changing. We the parents are their constant. We are what they turn to when all else fails or just when they want love and comfort. As a man I can speak more to the role of Dad in this.

When a child is very young, Daddy can do no wrong. If it is broken Daddy can fix it. If is broken beyond Daddy’s ability to repair, well then that was the way it was meant to be all along. Generally speaking Daddy is Superman.
I am going through that stage of Daddy-hood with Max right now. If Daddy coughs, Max fakes a cough. If his toy doesn’t make the noise that is expected, he hands it to me. Usually it is the act of flipping the switch to the on position, but in his young eyes I have performed nothing short of a miracle. Max has taken to bouts of walking with my cane and letting his right leg kind of drag behind, because that is how Daddy is currently walking. Sure it is a little difficult for him to mimic, but he tries, because his Daddy must be doing it the right way.

As much as any Daddy, I enjoy these moments and bask in the hero-worship, but it will eventually come to an end. Many Dads dread that day, they agonize over their child realizing Daddy is imperfect and that he is but a man. I say don’t fret this change, but embrace it because what comes after is much more amazing.

Jared, Emerald and Isaiah are past the stage believing Daddy is perfect. They know that Daddy has limitations. Daddy can not fix everything.They know that Daddy has a short temper at times,that Daddy is not Superman.

So what is so much better about this? Why do I tell you to embrace this change? It is simple, they love me no less than they ever did. They see Daddy as a human being, who loves them and cares for them with all he can. They see my imperfections and yet, I am still loved. Simply speaking, despite my best efforts, I am but human and will often come up short of perfect. With all this realization, they still very much love me. I have no doubt in my heart and mind that this is so.

New Dads, enjoy being Superman while you can, but don’t dread the day that the illusion is gone. Embrace the fact that you can be human, with all the imperfections that entails, and still be so loved by your children

Thanks for reading
Steve AKA FatherNoRest

I recently asked my three oldest children a simple, but yet very complex question. What does family mean to you. Each one typed up a quick meaning for me and I am very proud to share with you their responses. These are their own independent thoughts and are presented to you with out editorial changes:

First we hear from Isaiah, my middle son 12 years old.

I think family is people you can trust. Family should be dependable not people who make you be independent for everything you need to do. They are people who you can go to for advice or talk to when you have problems. Family should always love no matter what you do (endless love). Family can help you when you need the help.  Family can’t try to change you, they should love you for you.

Second  comes from Emerald, my only daughter 14 years old.

Whenever I hear the word family I think of people who were put in your life that you trust and can go to when you need them.  Family doesn’t necessarily have to be people who you’re related to you could have someone you’re really close and that knows everything about you and they could be considered as family. Family is people that don’t try to change you because they accept you and love you just the way you are. You may not trust or like how some of your family members are but you should love them and at least try to make a bond with them because whether you like it or not there stuck in your life forever.  Family tends to have a big impact on your life because at times they may teach you life lessons, you may learn something new from them and some you even look up to and you want to be like them.  I think the most important thing about family is trust because if you don’t trust one another then things could be horrible and things could go wrong but if you trust one another then you’ll have a close bond and wouldn’t be as bad because you’ll trust one another to get you through whatever it is you’re going through. Family plays a big role in your life and it always will be, so appreciate your family

Finally Jared, my oldest son 18 years old

When people say the word family, the emotions conjured up vary based on who you say that to. Some people have a distasteful idea of family, others have a fondness of family, and others have no grasp of the concept at all. When asked to write this paragraph, I wasn’t excited to say the least. Which family? My family at my Mom’s house? My family at my Dad’s house? My extended family though the church? I had no idea what to say. As I type, I see one  reoccurring factor in each, so much so that they are not 3 separate entities, but one giant family, whether each part realizes it or not.  The factor is compassion.  When one person in any parts of my family is weakened, my entire family gets stronger. When my stepdad was diagnosed with lymphoma, my church showered us in prayer and encouragement via calls, visits, flowers, and encouraging facebook messages, and my dad and stepmom also let us know that he was in their thoughts.  Not many families have a father and his wife that are concerned about the ex-wife’s husband. The church and my family at mom’s all stepped up and prayed for my father when his back went out.  Only a fraction of my family is represented in this short paragraph, I have family through my dad, through my mom, and through my stepdad that I would have to start my own blog to give due credit to them. I thank God for the family I have, and that if at any point in my life, any part of my family is going through a trying time, the rest of my family will be there to make it less difficult.

Though they where reluctant, All three children came through with sincere and meaningful contributions to this post.  It’s time like these that I set back and bask in the wonderful nature of my children.

Thanks for Reading

Steve

Max and Sissy enjoy the weather

Brothers enjoying the weather

Beach Playground

At the playground

Simple Pleasures

With the abundance of expensive gadgets and distractions available, it is nice to know my children can still enjoy the simple pleasures of life.  Hopefully, as they grow older and go about their lives they remember these activities fondly.

One such pleasure is a trip to the beach with a cooler full of beverages and fried chicken or sandwiches. We all have a different idea of what makes a wonderful day at the beach. Whether it’s sitting under an umbrella reading a book, working on a tan, swimming, surfing or simply enjoying the view, we all get to have an a great time.  The best part is we all gather around the cooler to enjoy our refreshments together.

Fishing is another such simple pleasure . We again load up a cooler and grab our fishing poles and swing out to the a local fishing pier or similar location.  Of course fishing is a lot more fun if you are catching something, but that is not a prerequisite for a grand family time.

A late evening favorite around here, having dinner around the fire pit in the backyard. Be it bratwurst cooked on the grill or sausages and hot dogs cooked over the open fire, this is truly a simple and fun family activity.

Of course their are numerous other activities we enjoy, but none encourage open and honest conversation the way these do.

What are some of the simple pleasure you enjoy with your family?

Brothers Bonding

Jared was playing his guitar and Max decided he wanted to play too.


We have all heard the rhetoric regarding children of divorce. That they are disadvantaged, maldjusted basket cases. I say it doesn’t have to be this way. Besides, I personally know a few people from “intact” homes that fit those categories and much worse.

My divorce decree was finalized in April 2003, and my children from that marriage were 10, 6, and 4 years of age at that time.  With current ages of 18, 14, and 12  (in less than 2 weeks) I can say they are thus far fine upstanding people.  All three are honors students, active in their church, and have excellent social/moral compasses. I like to think the actions that my ex-wife and I have taken and continue to take are a large part of this.

First and foremost, we (my ex-wife and I) sat the children down before I moved out of the home and explained to them that Mommy and Daddy where separating. We heavily stressed to them that they bore no blame in this action. Yes, it was hard to stare them in the face and see their reactions and fears, but it would have been even harder to live with myself otherwise.

Second, We made it very clear to the children that regardless of what we felt/thought towards each other, we were still united in the behaviors that would be expected from them. We did not tolerate “but at Mommy’s we are allowed to do blah blah” or  “at Daddy’s we are allowed to do blah blah”, not that they didn’t test the waters.

Third, we didn’t attempt to use the kids against each other. It is sickening to see people use the children as  pawns to force something from the other parent, and feel they are justified in doing so.

Fourth, be careful what you say in anger and who you say it to. How would you like your children to overhear you saying something horrible about their other parent, who has only showed them love and parented them the best way they know how. People love to spread juicy tidbits and are often not careful who is listening.

Fifth, when sharing custody, truly share the responsibility. If you only have the children during the weekends, don’t assume that is all you are responsible for. Your responsibility does not end with visitation and the support check being written.

Sixth, be careful of who you bring into the lives of your children.  That should be fairly obvious, but your children do not need a new auntie or uncle every few weeks. Take time to get truly know a person and be fairly certain that are staying around for a long time before they are involved in your children’s lives. The ex and I are both remarried and we both are confident and know enough about the others new spouse to feel comfortable with our children living in the home with them.

Seventh, parenting is not a popularity contest.  Being the cool parent does not make you the proper parent.

Eighth, your visitation agreement shouldn’t be inflexible, but one should be respectful of the other parent having a life. No showing or canceling at the last-minute for anything less than a life and death emergency is not only rude to the other parent, it is being a poor parent.

Ninth, be there for children physically and emotionally. Let them know you are always a phone call, text message, tweet, Facebook, tumbler,  or whatever away.

Tenth, learn from you mistakes. Every parent makes mistakes from time to time, the great parent learns from their mistakes. I often tease my oldest and tell him he was my practice child. I know that with each child I have made mistakes, but I strive to learn and do better.

I in no way to claim to be a child psychologist, but I am a father of four, sharing my experiences to hopefully help someone and learn something along the way

Steve AKA Father No Rest

Special Thanks to Jared, Emerald, and Isaiah for being the well adjusted children you are. Daddy loves you.