I am eleven (11) days post-op for my spinal concerns and I am disheartened. It is getting harder and harder to remain optimistic about my recovery and what functionality I will be left with.

Before any of you say it is only eleven days, you must understand I have had this type surgery on two prior occasions.  In both of these prior instances, the relief I felt was almost immediate. I was up and walking, extensively within hours of my surgery. After this surgery it was almost four days before I could walk without agonizing pain.  I still have significant foot drop and neuropathy, all things that had improved drastically at  this point in my prior recoveries. I can only walk without my cane for a very short distance. If I walk very far at all I start stumbling and tripping over the ground. I am still reliant on prescription  pain medication more than I care to be.

The status of my recovery is causing me stress. I am worrying over what the future holds.  I worry what I will not be able to perform the essential functions of my job, my career. Then I worry what will I do if  I can’t do what I have been doing? I don’t know that I have the proper skill set to do anything else that will bring in a comparable income.  This comes as my oldest is about to start college, and I will have a child in college for the next decade.

I guess I will do what I must, just like I always have. I friend of mine once said “Steve, you have to quit worrying about the things you can not change.”  My response was ” Damn it Bob, the things I can change don’t worry me in the least, I just change them. It’s the things I can’t control that stress the hell out of me.”  Every time I get stressed about things beyond my control, I recall his words, but my response is still the same.

Writing this is in its own way a form of stress therapy.

Thanks For Reading

Steve AKA FatherNoRest

Advertisements