Archive for February, 2011


Brothers Bonding

Jared was playing his guitar and Max decided he wanted to play too.

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When my wife decided to breastfeed I was uncertain of my role in the process. So I attended classes with her and read several books on the subject. After all the classes and books, I realized that a man’s role is simple, support and encouragement.

I am proud that Tabitha (aka @unsung_one, aka the beautiful bride) decided to breastfeed. I realize that it is not always easy for a working mother. Especially so, for one trying to pump in an atmosphere that schedules can become meaningless with the arrival of just one emergent patient. She worries that her milk production is not where it should be, but Max is yet to demand more than she has produced and it is a rare occasion that I have to access our frozen stock. If her milk supply took a drastic drop tomorrow, she would still be doing a fantastic job.

So, to my beautiful bride I express my gratitude. You are truly fantastic, not only with breastfeeding, but as a mother, step-mother, and wife as well.

Thanks for reading,
Steve AKA FatherNoRest

We have all heard the rhetoric regarding children of divorce. That they are disadvantaged, maldjusted basket cases. I say it doesn’t have to be this way. Besides, I personally know a few people from “intact” homes that fit those categories and much worse.

My divorce decree was finalized in April 2003, and my children from that marriage were 10, 6, and 4 years of age at that time.  With current ages of 18, 14, and 12  (in less than 2 weeks) I can say they are thus far fine upstanding people.  All three are honors students, active in their church, and have excellent social/moral compasses. I like to think the actions that my ex-wife and I have taken and continue to take are a large part of this.

First and foremost, we (my ex-wife and I) sat the children down before I moved out of the home and explained to them that Mommy and Daddy where separating. We heavily stressed to them that they bore no blame in this action. Yes, it was hard to stare them in the face and see their reactions and fears, but it would have been even harder to live with myself otherwise.

Second, We made it very clear to the children that regardless of what we felt/thought towards each other, we were still united in the behaviors that would be expected from them. We did not tolerate “but at Mommy’s we are allowed to do blah blah” or  “at Daddy’s we are allowed to do blah blah”, not that they didn’t test the waters.

Third, we didn’t attempt to use the kids against each other. It is sickening to see people use the children as  pawns to force something from the other parent, and feel they are justified in doing so.

Fourth, be careful what you say in anger and who you say it to. How would you like your children to overhear you saying something horrible about their other parent, who has only showed them love and parented them the best way they know how. People love to spread juicy tidbits and are often not careful who is listening.

Fifth, when sharing custody, truly share the responsibility. If you only have the children during the weekends, don’t assume that is all you are responsible for. Your responsibility does not end with visitation and the support check being written.

Sixth, be careful of who you bring into the lives of your children.  That should be fairly obvious, but your children do not need a new auntie or uncle every few weeks. Take time to get truly know a person and be fairly certain that are staying around for a long time before they are involved in your children’s lives. The ex and I are both remarried and we both are confident and know enough about the others new spouse to feel comfortable with our children living in the home with them.

Seventh, parenting is not a popularity contest.  Being the cool parent does not make you the proper parent.

Eighth, your visitation agreement shouldn’t be inflexible, but one should be respectful of the other parent having a life. No showing or canceling at the last-minute for anything less than a life and death emergency is not only rude to the other parent, it is being a poor parent.

Ninth, be there for children physically and emotionally. Let them know you are always a phone call, text message, tweet, Facebook, tumbler,  or whatever away.

Tenth, learn from you mistakes. Every parent makes mistakes from time to time, the great parent learns from their mistakes. I often tease my oldest and tell him he was my practice child. I know that with each child I have made mistakes, but I strive to learn and do better.

I in no way to claim to be a child psychologist, but I am a father of four, sharing my experiences to hopefully help someone and learn something along the way

Steve AKA Father No Rest

Special Thanks to Jared, Emerald, and Isaiah for being the well adjusted children you are. Daddy loves you.

What’s in a name?

FatherNoRest was not my first choice, for blog names, I went through several choices before I found landed on a moniker that was not being used twitter or not too close to a blog already established. However, the name still has a large amount of meaning to me.

The short version of why FatherNoRest, this daddy gets very little sleep and it sounds like the old-time radio and tv show Father Knows Best.

Ok, so now you want to know why I get no rest.  My beautiful bride (@unsung_one aka Tabitha) and I really didn’t want to send Max to daycare and it just isn’t financially feasible for either one of us to leave the workforce at this point, so I work nights.

My typical day involves me getting home at 7:30 am to take over Max duties so that Tabitha can run off to her hob. We due all the things any other parent that stays at home with the children do, with the exception that I always sleep when Max does, so that on a good day I two naps of 1-1/2 t0 2 hours each.  By the time Tabitha gets home, I have another 1-1/2 to 2 hours that I can sleep before I have to get up and get ready to leave for work.

Thanks for reading

Steve

My first Blog post

I finally did it. I have committed to a blogger ID and jumped into the blogosphere.

I am looking forward to using this as a tool to share my parenting experiences, to learn and connect with other parents . I have met many great parent bloggers through twitter, and I in no way expect that I will become as prolific as many of you,  I do hope to keep from embarrassing myself too badly.  I probably should find a good editor, since my spelling is atrocious and at times my grammar leaves a lot to be desired.

Please note, this blog is a work in progress and may undergo a few layout changes as I learn and grow.

Thanks for your patience with me

Steve